Here's a reminder. Life is too short for forced hangouts, for things done out of obligation, for doing things that don't bring you joy or aren't connected to your future goals. College presents several opportunities for both people and projects (or clubs or classes..) that you can be with and work on. Figure out which ones bring you joy. And then go all in on those...
Ultimately, your task is twofold: First, to know your priorities, and then, to continually ensure that you act in ways that are consistent with those priorities. It's not easy to do so. It takes careful planning, reflection and consideration to design your daily life so that at the end you can call it a life 'well-lived' without any regrets. But I think it's worth it. Go all in on the things that matter, and discard the rest.
I come home twice a year for about 20 days each time, sometimes less. Each time I come home, I feel as though I am a different person. But home feels just the same. Perhaps with the exception of my little sister’s height, it seems like nothing has changed. Dad is just the same. So is Mom. The city is just the same. The dirt on the roads. The incessant traffic. The loud, completely superfluous honking. Even the cobbler who used to repair my shoes, looks just the same, sits at the same spot, with the same proud smile on his face.
But within the six months or so that have passed since my last visit, so much has changed within me and in my life. I have learnt so much more about the world and about life. I have accomplished so much more, and failed so much more. I have gained new perspectives, new friends, and new habits. In this ever-changing phase of my life, my home is the only constant. It keeps me grounded. And grateful for the opportunities I have. It also serves as a reminder of where I am from and who I was, reminding me once again that with a firm resolve and hard work, great things do happen, dreams do come true, and life can be so much bigger than what you had imagined.
*Originally published on my facebookpage on August 20th, 2017
If I were to describe human behavior by comparing it to animals, I would pick donkey and dog. As the famous story goes, when the donkey is shown a carrot, it chases and walks towards it. That applies to many of us as well. Show us a reward and we will get to work. Others of us behave more like dogs. Now, what do dogs do that donkeys don’t? They sniff. All the time. If there is a bone in the room, they will sniff and find it. They don’t need to be shown the bone in front of them for them to go and get it, oh, no. You put the bone in the next room, they will sniff their way to it and get it.
To put things in better perspective, let’s imagine a conversation between a donkey and a dog…
Dog: Hey Donkey, why are you standing still? Why don’t you look around for carrots?
Donkey: I don’t see any carrots.
Dog: Yeah.. but why don’t you go search over there, you might find something?
Donkey: Yeah, there is a chance that I MIGHT, but what if I don’t? Why waste time and energy when I could just stand here and relax. (relatable, anyone?)
Dog:Dude, what?! How can you be so lazy… Whatever. I’m going to search for a bone.
Donkey: Where though? Do you know where the bone is?
Dog: No, I’m just going to start searching..it usually works..If I search long enough, I usually end up finding something.
Donkey: Wow…that never works for me. Any way, good luck, I’m just going to sit here and relax.
Some people will follow their curiosity and interests without thinking about the ‘carrot’- the end result or what they may get out of it, thus exhibiting dog-like behavior. They will sniff and keep sniffing and eventually find something valuable. You know who I’m talking about. That kid in your class who stayed up till 4 am reading about quantum computing just because she was interested to know more, and ten years later, she’s in Silicon Valley inventing cutting-edge technology. Or that guy with a day job who devoted his entire weekends to making YouTube videos just because he ‘wanted to try it out’, without necessarily having a plan or vision or making any money, and five years later, he’s a Youtube Millionaire. I recently spoke with someone who runs a brilliant podcast — he doesn’t make any money out of it, he doesn’t have a vision or plan of where he wants to take it, no concrete idea of how it will help in his future career. But in addition to having another job to make ends meet, he runs this podcast, and it’s amazing.
...You get the idea. There are people like that. And then there’s me. Or, well, people like me. The donkeys. Unless we see a carrot- a clear, concrete idea of what we will get out of doing something, we will not do it.(I understand that this isn’t always the case, there are some activities that may give you intrinsic pleasure and you may do them without seeing a ‘carrot’. For example, if you like to play the guitar, you’ll play everyday, for fun. But you probably won’t quit your job, start a band, invest in professional equipment and record an album.. unless you see it going somewhere, will you?)If you’re a donkey like me, do not worry. It’s not over for us. There are several successful people who are donkeys. We just need some different strategies to get to work.
1. Write Down Your Goals
Write down your goals. Pen and paper, please. And be as specific as possible. For example, don’t just write ‘lose weight’. If you want to read everyday about a particular subject, set that as a goal. And don’t just write that you will spend half an hour everyday reading about that topic. Write down the exact number of pages/chapters/articles/books you will read everyday.
2. Look At Your Goals Everyday
Stick your goals on a wall in your room where you are forced to look at them everyday. This helps keep the motivation up.
3. Track Your Progress
At least once a week, record your progress. Now this is super-important.
You need to believe that you’re getting closer and closer to your carrot with every step you take.
I like to do it on the papers I have stuck on my wall: For example, record your weight every week. Or, if your goal is to read a certain number of books by a certain date, record the number of pages you read. Also write down what you learnt from that, and how it will help you attain your bigger goals.
4. Reward Yourself
Promise yourself a reward for attaining your goals, and be sure to reward yourself when you do. We donkeys need to have our carrots and eat them too. (See what I did there? :))
P.s.- I’m not saying it’s binary for everyone- some of us are sometimes more like dogs, other times more like donkeys.
The four steps mentioned above would help anyone and everyone, regardless of whether you’re more like a donkey or a dog. But donkeys definitely need it more.
If you liked reading this post, do comment below. This will encourage me to write more 🙂
Vince had reached well in time for his interview at this Financial Advisory firm. As he sat on the sofas by the reception desk, waiting to be ushered in, he reminded himself of all the good advice he had received regarding interviews, of all the things he had learnt one should and shouldn’t say at such interviews.
An hour later, he found himself dumbfounded when asked one simple question. Hell, he had prepared so hard, how could this be. It wasn’t even a hard a question. Maybe that’s why? It was too simple and straightforward, yet he couldn’t give a clear answer. The question was:‘Where do you see yourself in ten years?What Vince really wanted to say was ‘I don’t know, I don’t have a plan.’ Instead, obviously, he mumbled something about being at the top of the ranks in the world of Financial Consulting.
He later messaged me, telling me what happened in the interview, and asking me the same question that he was asked. He strongly felt that this was an answer that he needed to know for himself.
I tried to give him my answer to that question, but couldn’t, because like him, I too didn’t have one.
Well, I could tell you that I want to have a nice place to live, or that I want to be physically fit, financially stable, and have meaningful relationships. But these are things most people want and are very vague. The answer my friend was (is?) looking for is more specific to career paths.
So where do I see myself in ten years? I don’t know. I don’t have a concrete plan. And that’s okay. I could make a plan. But I know for a fact that I won’t stick to it. And I shouldn’t stick to it. Because the world is changing. Opportunities are changing. I am also changing.
The things my 16 year old self wanted to achieve by the time he was 21, are different from the things I have done and achieved by now- because along the way my priorities changed, my dreams changed. And they will over the next few years too.
I’m not necessarily saying that one shouldn’t have a long term plan- some people should, some need to, especially those looking to build careers in fields like scientific research or medicine. But for all the Vince(s) out there who are straight out of college looking for jobs:It is okay if you don’t have a plan for where you want to be in ten years. Martin Casado, the legendary computer scientist and entrepreneur, in his commencement address at North Arizona University, said:
“When I was standing where you are, I wanted to be the world’s best computational physicist,” Casado told the crowd. “And soon after, I wanted to be the world’s foremost cyber-policy expert. But instead, I went to grad school, and then I wanted to be the world’s best academic. And I certainly didn’t accomplish that.”
He went on to say..
“You’re unlikely to achieve your goals. The reason is that you probably don’t realize how many amazing opportunities are out there and how much you’ll enjoy them. You are unlikely to achieve your goals, because a better one is likely to smack you while you’re looking the other way, and you’d be an idiot not to follow it.
“So my guidance to you is as much as you work toward your goals, take some fraction of that effort and work on being open to change and to opportunity.”
If you liked reading this post, do comment below. This will encourage me to write more 🙂
‘Do not worry. You always have written before and you will write now. All you have to do is write one true sentence. Write the truest sentence that you know.’
It's a 6-Step Process…
1. Write one sentence. Literally, whatever comes to your mind.
I once started with ‘It’s a Sunday morning and it’s beautiful outside.’ and also ‘Ahhhh..I don’t know know what to say, let’s see….’.Both these sentences led on to actual essays that I later published on my blog. It’s all about getting those juices flowing.
2. Write another sentence. And then another… And then another.
Your first few sentences might be absolutely boring, pointless and even frivolous. But the act of writing them down gets your mind working. When I was struggling to come up with ideas for my college application essay back in 2013, someone suggested this idea to me - to sit down with a notebook, think of the one overarching idea or direction, and just write literally whatever came to my mind for 20 minutes. It really worked!
3. Repeat step 2 for 20 minutes. Set an alarm/timer if needed.
Don’t stop and think. Keep the pen moving nonstop for 20 minutes. Like I said, a lot of what comes out will be rubbish. And that’s okay.
4. Come back to what you wrote after a few hours, or even days.
You’ll notice that out of the 1000 words of trash that you wrote, there are perhaps 200 words of good writing or good ideas at least.
5. Take those sentences and those ideas which are good and expand on them.
6. Edit and Revise.
P.s. — Often in creative writing, you don’t exactly know what you’re going to write- you don’t know the end of your story, poem or essay. You can’t always have a plan. Sometimes, you have to let things flow naturally. You just need to start.
